my ocean of thought

2001-09-05 @ 11:26 p.m.

hold on to the thread...the currents will shift, lightly towards you no somethings left and we're all allowed to deam of the next. of the next time we set sail in our oceans of thought. I DREAM OF A TIME WHEN THINGS WERE EASIER. WHEN PEOPLE DIDN'T CARE. WHEN FENCES WERE WHITE. WHEN WE DIDN'T HAVE TO TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS....I don't want to talk...i just like being myself...tell everything that isn't the covered mask that makes sense. WHEN IT WAS OK TO BE MYSELF. SOMTIMES I even LIKE ACTING RETARDED! NOW IS ONE OF THOSE TIMES. speaking low, uncovered, untrue? keep it down. make it a WHISPER...BECAUSE HE'S WATCHING EVERY GOD DAMNED MOVE YOU MAKE...but it's ok he's not here to scare you, he just wants to lead you in the right direction. YEAH THATS IT!!! but do you need that? better yet, DO YOU WANT THAT? CAN YOU TAKE THAT...deal with my perverted piece of shit you call my life? WELL, THATS WHAT I THINK WHEN I THINK OF you. It's ok for me to breathe and write whatever comes to my milkSHAKE MIND. IN FACT, IT'S MORE LIKE CORNflakes. there contains some substance in my mind, but it becomes mushed up in soggy MUSH WHEN I don't give a shit anymore. NOW IS ONE OF these times. i got a head start because i did my homework. but it's like homework for a class that doesn't apply to my major in any way whatsoever. IT'S NOT EVEN AN ELECTIVE. i do it for no reason whatsoever. winds roll in my THOUGHTS, the sea will rise, please stand by the shore! it's plain to see, handing the deals of pain makes me want to swollow WINDEX. I HAVE A CELL, THERE IS A BED WAITING FOR ME in there too. i have no sweet farewells. THEY JUST LOOK AND SNICKER ANDJOKEATTHESHITTHEYCALLME. E!!!!!!!now thats just wrong. its insane to think that milkshakes are cold and really cold. IT FREEZES MY HEAD A LOT. all of this life around me is kind of gay. really dumb. it's time for a change. well, it's like I CAN SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, but i haven't reached the destination yet. I JUST GET SNEAKY SOMETIMES AND work my way back into the tunnel. IT'S JUST wrong. PARTLY BECAUSE THE SURROUNDINGS CREATE THIS PROBLEM, but also because i just don't know how to say $(@*!$&!(*$&(!@*$&*@!fu(!*%(!*&%!(*&%(@*1)(@*$ck%)(!*%)(*%)!(*you!)$*@)($*)!(. people that know me really well WILL SAY THAT if i disagree with something, i will say nothing!so long! workingtogiveitupbecauseiamamotherfucker. just a sample of HOW MY MIND WORKS. i am dangerous. if you're close, stay away from my darkside. I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT. i'm not scared, i felt this way on my way home. ill never tell you the secrets im holding, i know these things must bore. i can find another way! i know this leash that holds me when i try to run away. I CAN SEVERELY CHANGE YOU. YOU CANNNOT FORGET THAT. I WANT TO CHANGE YOU with my glare. and i want you to make it memorable to know that you're taking all of this time while i'm trying to forget you. IT's EMPTY you freak, ITS LOVED BY NO one...and you want me to like it? its so sick i can't even laugh it off. butthenthehappytimescontinue...they go well without you, they give me time to reflect that my life is more meaningful without the fact that I don't care about being cool. Being accepted. Being loved. but being alone may not be the desiarable choice. BEING AWAY FROM MY PSYCHO WORLD WHERE I FREAK OUT LIKE RIGH T NOW would be helpful to know the facts between truth and reality. timebecomeslooptimebecomesloop. how fruity. i stand against the faceless man who makes me cry when he yells at me. he needs to return it before he forgets how to make sure its ok. you thought HE WAS CRAZY...you havent seen anything yet 527307811. you might think it means nothing, but iT MAKES the SHAMe UNcerTAIN.702390...now that makes sense, that is my student ID number...see noweveryoneknowsitandwilluseit...but WHAT IN TARNATIONS IS THE ABOVE NUMBER, and what does it have to do with my life? MY YOUTH WILL NEVER die. DON't let go of that feeling. IT MAY BE THE LAST HAPPY THOUGHT you encounter. NEED OF A SERIOUS HELPING HAND OF NOTHING INTERESTING. let them play inside your mind and make sure that they are safe. use up that extra energy to make sure that they don't run away. they're going to defy you....they will make you unclean inside. they will embarrass you. you disgusting piece of crap. i am a good child. thats whats so sad about this. i am a good kid, yet I ACT SO MEAN. I WANT TO BE EVIL. have i reached my goal? no. does that make me unworthy of achieving such a great amount of poweress? no. are milkshakes cold? unless you leave them out in the sun, yes. I WILL BE THERE ONCE MORE! who is to blame of the one caused by the two? COME ON!!!!!! FREE ME NOW!!! nobody's pet. i want to run unleashed. i am an animal.

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