I told my mom this morning that I wanted to commit suicide. I really shouldn't have said it, but I'm so frustrated by my academics this semester. Madeleine's words last night did help, but I need support from my parents too and I didn't think I was getting any support from my mom this morning. I told her that I worked really hard on my meteorology all day yesterday and she said "was the time put to good use?" Of course it was! I was at the library for 9 hours for christ's sake. I studied practically 3 chapters and made extensive notes just to make sure that I understand everything. I am also doing this ahead of time to make sure that I can properly study the notes well before next Thursday's test. We have a lab final that same day! Ahhh!!! I want to stop, but I can't. I have to finish this bullshit. This utter piece of crap that will be forgotten once I am done. Now tell me: how sad is that?

Now my mom knows that I wouldn't kill myself just because I'm doing badly and I know that she cares for me. But at the same time, I know that I am so much better than how my grades are reflecting and I know my parents are concerned that I may just snap despite what they say.

I know that I have strength and I have the desire to finish the best way possible.

But God do I need rest and a clean slate.